“Reason to return”

That day when u turned to go,
I could read ur face,
Sceptical u were,
With chaos in ur mind,
Preoccupied with thought of something,
That u were leaving behind,
U were no more audacious,
Or may be I was no more precious,
U had no will to render,
a second thought, or an imagination
And so u had to surrender,
To that abstruse situation,
now in my solace I think,
ur heart would be on verge to sink,
I know those balmy winds, those white clouds,
Will one day make you cry aloud,
sometimes I still stand on that curve ,that turn
Hoping u might find a reason to return…

I want to grow old with u…

Each day inside my heart,
Our relation deepens,
And all the fears weaken,
I hope this time life will not bluff,
Coz I have lot to give you my love,
U r like that dream,
That I had dreamt of, I had wished for,
U r like that stream,
Into drops of which I would love to shower,
Whenever I look into ur eyes,
Every sadness inside me dies,
I never want to hurt you,
But still sometimes I do,
And then in my lonely nights,
I regret over that stupid fights,
I have felt u inside my soul,
To have u beside me forever,
Is my life’s sweetest goal,
Butterflies go tickling inside my heart,
When u come closer to part,
The part of ur precious life,
And that moment my feelings go rife,
I wish to fled with you in the unknown blue,
Coz I want to grow old with you…

Intzaar

Us modh pe ruk ker jab tera khyal aaya,
Dil ki gahrayiyon mein maine tuje khojna chaha,
Jab wahan khade-2 maine khud ko barish mein bhega-2 paya,
To ehsaas hua pehli baar kisi ki batoin ne mere dil ko chuya,
Kabhi jo maine anjane mein tera dil dukhaya,
Ussi ki saza mein yeh intzaar mere naseeb mein hai aaya,
Tere tasavoor mein jeene ka bhi ek maza hai,
Dooriyon mein muskuraker jeene ki tu hi to wajah hai,
Tera ehsaas muje baar-2 us modh pe le jata hai,
Kuch der baad mai to laut aati huin,
Lekin mera mun wahi thehar jata hai,
Mai wahan ruk ker tera intzaar zarur karungi,
Jis din tu ayega bas tere sath hi chal dungi,
Mere intzaar mein chupa ek vishwas hai,
Tujse milne ki muje ek umeed,ek aaas hai

TUM..

Mere raaston ki manzil ho tum,,
Meri kavitayon ki gazal ho tum,
Mere nagmo ki prerna ho tum,
Mere sapno ki talash ho tum,
Meri dhadkano ki awaz ho tum,
Meri muskaan ki wajah ho tum,
Meri aankhoin ki khamoshi ho tum,
Mere pyar ki prarthna ho tum,
Meri ratoin ki soch ho tum,
Mere aaine mein chupi tasveer ho tum,
Mere hathon ki lakeer ho tum,
Mere andhero mein roshni ka diya ho tum,
Mere dil ko vishwas hai kahin to ho tum
Aur jahan bhi ho mere hi ho TUM……..

mai hun ek....

Mai hun ek anjaan hasti,
mere dil mein sirf yadein hai basti,
likhti rehti hun beete lamho ki kahani,
zindgi ki sachai se rehti hun aksar anjani,
guzre hue kal aur ane wale pal mein rehne ki adat hai,
is baat ki mere dil ko mujse shikayat hai,
ek choti si baat per khush ho jati hun,
par kabhi-2 khud ko tanha sa pati hun,
zindgi mein aage badhne ki koshish kerti hun,
kabhi-2 thoda sa derti bhi hun,
zindgi ke daman se khushiyan chunti hun,
har ek se dosti ki door bunti hun,
sabko khush dekhna chahti hun,
kisi ke dukh mein apni palkon ko bhega-2 bhi pati hun,
mere zehen mein soch ki nadi hai behti,
soch ke sagar mein mai dubi hun rehti,
jaane kya chahiye mujhe zindagi se,
shayad khud hi ko khud main hoon dhoondhati ....

It was hot afternoon and as usual I was crossing that lane as fast as i could. Those days being aspirant for engineering I did not have enough time to stop anywhere to enjoy the beauty of the world around me. I was walking lost in my planning as would i do next when I reach home, which part of my course has to be finished followed by solving conceptual ,objective questions that would eat up my head and screw me up completely. Being exhausted with the thought of all this planning i was almost drenched with tiredness. Yawning a bit I turned to look around so that i could open my eyes till i reach my home and what I see is an old lady trying to stop the passers crossing by her but none could understand her or probably did not want to understand. With the picture of those next moments of study hours and to reach as early as possible i also turned and took my steps forward. But as i took few steps something pricked my conscience. A temporary conflict appeared between my mind and heart. my mind telling me," you idiot, dont deviate from your path, you have lot course to prepare. My heart yelling at me what use is studying all those moral subjects in your school when you cannot serve or help somebody in time of hour. Finally with few moments of struggle my heart won and I reversed my steps. I asked that old lady,"amma ji kya hua?", beta lakarmandi ka raasta kaunsa hai? Oh such a simple thing my heart said," its not a big deal". Amma ji seedhe jaker pehle chaurahe se dahine chale jana, fir thoda aage jaker ek aur dahina, uske aage do patle raaste ayenge unme bahine chale jana aur fir thoda seedha jaker aage ek aur bahine mudh ker fir se ek dahina le lena.uske baad seedhi sadak mil jayegi, uspe aage jate-2 apko bus stop mil jayega. Wahan se bus le lena. Amma got bit confused but somewhat convinced. She thanked me and I again took my steps forward. But some where i was not being satisfied now. Few questions cropping up into my mind. What if she is lost on her way? how will she reach her home? how will she manage her way? how bad is her family that they didnt even accompany her? how can they leave her alone in such an old age?
With all questions and getting no answers i turned back and went close to her. I asked her , "amma ji, mai apko bus stop tuk chor duin". She didnt reply, or probably she didnt understand as i was speaking so fast. So i asked again. This time she nodded her head with a pitiable face and it meant yes if possible i should do it.
So i asked her to walk with me. I asked her to give me her bag for holding. First she was reluctant, probably because old people are possessive for their stuff or may be she was unable to trust me within that short span of time. But as she got bit tired sge gave her bag to me with instruction to handle it gently. I could really not guess what was so precious into that old torn bag. But I followed her instructions.
As we walked she did enquire few things about me. Where am I from? What do I do? bla-bla-bla. So there was sort of conversation between us out of which many things that i tried to tell her, i guess she did not understand specially about my studies and this technical engineering stuff. Anyways time passed away and we reached bus stop. I looked at my watch and realised the distance that i cover everyday in 10 minutes took us around 45 minutes that day. Not too much wastage of time, my heart explained to my strict mind. Finally I took her to bus door. She stopped for a moment and fiddled with her bag. I thought she was checking her stuff but there was something else. She took out some dryfruit, and 10 rupee note from her bag and offered to me and gently kissed on my forehead and said," hamesha khush reh beta, bhagwan tuje tarakki de". Her wordings touched straight my heart and I felt a sense of satisfaction for the first time in my life. I refused 10 rupee note but yes i took the dryfruit. Then i made her sit inside the bus and turned to walk away. As I looked back I saw that old lady with a sweet smile waving me goodbye.
Today also I am unable to forget that smiling face waving me goodbye. And when ever I recall that moment I feel sense of complete satisfaction. It feels good when you are able to help somebody. And i also feel you cannot buy the blessings, the smile, the satisfaction with money.

woh ankahee si baat

Kuch hawayein jub hai chalti,
Kuch shamein jub tanha hai dhalti,
Dhundli yadein zehen mein mere hai khilti,
Ek bechani mujhe hai milti,
Lautna chahta hai mera mun,
Khojta hai wahi apnapan,
Rakha hai jise aj bhi panno mein sambhal ker,
Jo chhut gaya hai peeche kisi modh per,
Malum hai ki wo rishta wapis hai bulata,
Isliye to wahan jane ko mun hai chahta,
Ummed hai aage jaker fir hogi mulakat,
Fir kahenge tumse who ankahee si baat….

These woods were always silent, swaying with the winds, making ruffling sounds and I used to sit in that balcony of my hostel’s room where my imaginations would force me to think that these woods talk to me..they were my friends in my solace…those times when I used to sit there with my coffee mug in one hand and diary in the other hand..my mind filled with so many thoughts that used to mingle up every second of that beautiful hour when I sat there all by myself completely immersed into world of my thoughts..i wrote a lot about friendship, about love, completely being transparent about my emotions..i thought these words would never let anybody depart from me..but somewhere I too was wrong..with the end of that part of life many things ended, many relations had been left there itself in that balcony, in those woods..i am sure those things still persist into those silent woods..the unbroken but ended friendships, that unexpressed but heart felt feeling of love, I really miss that part of my life..but I still have preserved those diaries with hope that those unsaid things still persist and shall never end up..

Return of fallen leaves”

Every day As I see
Leaves of that tree,
Outside my window,
Majestically they fall,
As cool wind blows,
Every night I feel,
Next day leaves of that tree,
Shall dwindle,
But next morning again,
The dew drops on them twinkle,
And it seems,
The fallen leaves are back,
Likewise those close relations
Which u have buried in sack,
Shall also return back,
Because u still have,
Place for those relations,
But one day u buried them,
Due to some expectations,
Just ponder over the lost relation,
It’s still standing at that station,
From where u boarded on new train,
Turn back and bring it again,
Like the tree outside my window,
Ur life will also glow….

PAHARON KI KHAMOSHI

Dil chahta hai in paharon ki khamoshi mein kho jaun,
Behte pani ke shor ke siva kuch aur na sun paun,
Hazaron saal purane in pedon mein chupe raaz,
Kash mai bhi samajh paun aaj,
In paharon ki kahani,
Hai to bahut saal purani,
Per usko sunne ka mun kerta hai,
Inke beech ghanto baithna dil mein sakoon bharta hai,
Inki chuppi mein ek gahrayi hai,
Duniya ki sari khubsurati inhi mein samai hai,
Paharon ke upar bikhre hue se badal,
Dheere-2 aage badh rhe hi,
Aisa lagta hai apne sang liye ja rhe hai,
Yeh kuch ankahe se sawaal,
Yeh bhi meri hi tarah,
Kerna chahte hai in paharon se kuch baat,
Lekin chup-chap liye ja rhe hai inki khamoshi ko sath,
In badalon ki tarah mai bhi ghanto yahan baithti huin,
Isi ummed ke sath,
Ki shayad yeh koi raaz muje batlayenge,
Per meri hi tarah kitne aur aayenge aur jayenge,
Lekin yeh apni khamoshi yuhin kayam rakhenge…….

Har sham jub panchiyon ko ghosle mein lautte dekhti huin,
Maibhi apna ghosla talash kerti huin,
Dubte hue suraj ki roshni mein,
Mai bhi lautne ki umeed khojti huin,
Bujhi-2 si meri zindgi mujse sawal kerti hai,
Mujse ek ashiyana banane ka izhaar kerti hai,
Apno se milne ka intzaar kerti hai,
Unse kiye hue waadoin ko pura kerne ka ikraar kerti hai,
Ab is tanha raston pe akele badhne se muje rok deti hai,
Meethi si purani yadein jinhe maine dafn ker diya hai,
Baar-2 unhe mere zehen mein bhar deti hai,
Mai bhi har pal isi soch mein rehti huin,
Kyun na ab mai bhi laut jayun,
Lekin woh rasta jo maine chal liya hai,
Najane kyun ab lamba lagta hai,
Mai jub bhi peeche mudker dekhti huin,
Apne ghosle ko talash hi nhi ker pati huin,
Ek baar fir soch se nikal ker dusri aur ghum jati huin,
Chalte-2 apni hi dhun mein bas chalti hi jati huin,
Lekin har roz mai dubte hue suraj ki roshni mein,
Lautne ki umeed zarur khojti huin..........

TUJHE KHOJTI HUIN

Yahan baithe-2 jaane kya sochti huin,
Is akelepan mein tuje, haan tuje hi khojti huin,
Baar-2 tere liye jub yeh kalam uthati huin,
Likhte-2 tere tasavoor mein kho jati huin,
Intzaar kerti huin ek din khuda khud aayega,
Mere naseeb mein tera sath likha hai,
Shayad yeh mujhe batlayega,
In khwaboin mein mujhe jeene ki aadat hai,
Kyunki in khwaboin mein to tu meri virasat hai,
In faaslon ko shayad waqt hi kabhi mitayega,
Koi to raasta hoga jo tujh tuk muje le jayega
Yahan baithe-2 mai bahut kuch sochti huin,
Is akelepan mein tuje,haan tuje hi khojti huin….

yaad kerti huin

mai tumhe yaad kerti huin,
chup-2 aahein bhi bharti huin,
tum awaz hi nhi dete ho,
jaane kahan chupe ho baithe,
mun mein aj bhi hai tumhari tasveer,
hathoin mein gadi hai tumhe paane ki lakeer,
ab to dhundli si ho gayi hai woh rahein,
jin per tumhara intzaar kerti thi nigahen,
raat ke andhere mein sochi hui woh meri hi soch thi,
jin per huk tumhara tha,
parchai bhi tumhari thi,
lekin haqeeqat kuch aur thi,
mai aj bhi tumhare bare mein sochti huin,
apni soch ke panno mein tumhe khojti huin,
panne palate-2 ankhoin se aansun behte hai,
tum laut ker nhi aayoge,
mere aansuin mujse yehi kehte hai...

first feeling

why does that first feeling that u had felt at some point of life doesnt go away easily?? it really haunts u sometimes when things do not turn the right way and yes thats what happened to her? she never met him, and both of them had developed a feeling for each other. She always expressed a lot and it was difficult for him. . Though he knew it was difficult for both of them to be on same way and he told her many times about her but she still wanted to unaccept the fact and went on with life with a fake notion of imaginative world where according to her there meeting was sure. But one day when it got heavier to bear the long distance relationship . She herself denied him and he also never cross questioned about it because he had already accepted truth. Slowly slowly life took a new turn and she explained herself and took a new path.

But then after few months they met and after meeting she realised that feeling wasnt fake and life would have been good with him . But life had decided something else for them. Why is it so? People say we can shape our destiny, then why couldnt they shape there ways together? Why is it that they both have to continue with that feeling haunting them in their loneliness?

Memories Never Fade

sometimes i wonder why most of us refuse to stay in memories..is it because we have developed a notion that memories weaken us or they sway us away from present world?? most of time we all pretend that we are very strong -hearted and are far away from world of fantasies, from world of memories...but pause and think for a while..sometimes we all wish to get away from the real harsh world..we look for somebody whose memories give us reason to live...i m sure in everybody's life there is somebody special whose memories make u laugh, make u smile, force u to lose urself someday..not always memories weaken u, sometimes they help u to move ahead, to enjoy ur present because of past...its on u, u can be sad because time changes and few moments become memories or u can be happy because u have those memories afresh with u...times might change but memories never fade so dont ever refuse to stay in memories, enjoy them and make ur present more lively, more joyful..