I never knew about the rainbow 🌈 baby concept until I had this suffering of being a grieving mother after losing my ♥️ Shanaya ❤️ four days prior to her turning to four months in October 2020. So we could not make upto 4 months with her.
In October 2021 when I heard his first cry in OT, I felt my body was shivering and tears rolled down my cheeks while I was trying my best to hide my tears from nurses and doctor in OT. All I could say was thank you million times to God and requesting him to give my rainbow baby long life and bless him to be with us forever.
Today our 💖 Diyansh 💖 reaches to four months and I feel so grateful to having reach to this stage of life. For me this is one of milestone that seemed so far when he arrived in October. I didn't knew infact no one knows what will turn out in life next day so with all the prayers in my heart, with all ifs and buts I started my journey of mamahood again with my lil man Ansh. He is such a sweetheart baby and i m so glad that o got this opportunity to be his mama.
My husband is pure hearted person and a very innocent soul. I can never forget his tears when he held still ❤️ Shanaya ❤️ into his hands. He has been my biggest support throughout this journey and his parents are a lifetime blessings to me who have encouraged me at every step to move ahead and reminded me from time to time to get free from guilty feeling after I lost Shanaya. The loss was equivalent for them but they had hidden their tears and handling me was their topmost priority. My own brother, bhabi and mother had been my pillars of strength throughout the journey of grief. My bhabhi remembers Shanaya in each and every moment that we share and celebrate together.
I have read a lot of stories , lot of things on net past one year, wrote a lot and decided to heal my mind myself. Learnt a lot onto this journey. I know one thing I can never get completely over losing her. she didn't deserve to go like this. I can never get over her burial. I always feel why didnt God take me instead of her but I also know I will never find answers to any of these. Slowly gradually over the years I might find more peace over what happened and I might not look for answers further by accepting it all..But as of now I sometimes still have mixed , confused emotions . Some people say ❤️ Shanaya ❤️ has sent him to us .Some say that he carries her soul. I try to collage his and her pics and try to find similarities and I have found lot of similar pictures and expressions number of times but still her absence doesn't makes me forget all that has happened over past one year. She is and will be my favourite child . The hardest part of losing her is sometimes living each day again and being a mother again with so many conflicts that come inside my grieving heart. But I also know God is with me in everything I do and in every feeling I have felt from bottom core of my broken heart💔.
Forever grateful to God and to my family, friends who have been with me onto this journey.
